Welcome to Dubai! – Girl in Dubai

2008

Just a small oasis in the desert a decade ago, Dubai has catapulted itself onto the world stage powered by oil wealth, an investment friendly climate and leadership, and of course cheap immigrant labor. This pearl of the Middle East will likely become more important as a center for trade, logistics, and a meeting for the civilizations of the world. Our contributor here has been living in Dubai for almost a year and has fallen in love with the place, enchanted even by its bureacracy.

You’ve made it this far and so first, Congratulations…

This concrete jungle in the middle of the desert with big dreams and even bigger buildings is sure not to disappoint. Second: although this place is a melting pot in the truest sense of the phrase, where languages and cultures mix and mingle including Russian Mafiosos and Saudi oil sheikhs at the Burj Al Arab, there is a certain unspoken code that all Dubaians follow.

In order to take your place as a citizen of this city of bright lights and blazing towers there is one absolute truth that you must learn and live by (if not love) and this is it: Ahmed will always be on holiday.

Let me explain…

Managing a maze of bureaucracy in any country is sure to be an exercise in anger management, but in Dubai these matters can be especially prickly. Because of the relatively transient nature of Dubai’s workforce, it is not unusual for a first time resident to have to start from scratch, building a life from seemingly little more than the desert dust.

The residence visa must be applied for, the work permit acquired and the driver’s license converted. And after that there are Internet connections to establish, phone numbers to obtain, and rent checks to be signed.

Regardless of what you need to accomplish there will be an accompanying ministry that exclusively handles these matters; if you require a residence visa the Ministry of Residency is the place to go, and not, to be confused with, the Ministry of Residence where all matter of rental and residential affairs are sorted.

To make your life easier the Ministry of Residence will be on the opposite side of a twelve lane highway as the Ministry of Residency, and the two corresponding signposts will be faded and missing key letters in such a manner that you are never quite sure which building you’ve entered. Once inside, no one else will have a clue either.

It should also be noted that the ministry where visas are issued may be closed on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and the third Tuesday of every other month, and also after 6 PM, but before 3 PM, on public and bank holidays, or much more often, for no apparent reason at all. While the ministry that handles work permits will require you to drive deep into the desert on winding, unlit roads, and will undoubtedly have poor signage, unusually long lines and frequent power outages.

At the roundabout that directs you to the ministry that manages driver’s licenses you will routinely witness four and five car pileups because of the inadequacy of the surrounding infrastructure. Why? Because we can all appreciate a little irony.

Once you’ve made it inside your respective ministry there will be no fewer than eight separate lines, or, what appear to be lines as rows of people four deep mill about shuffling stacks of paper, looking either confused and defeated or homeless. Don’t bother with the ticket machine that suggests some semblance of order or organization: it’s broken. You will wait in line for at least 45 minutes and it will be the wrong one, no matter how many times you ask for reassurance from…wait…who was that anyway?

When you finally approach the counter, broken and bedraggled, passport photocopies and appropriate applications in hand, expect there to be some error or omission with respect to your papers. Most likely an important seal or a stamp will be missing, because as of 12 noon today the government has enacted new legislation requiring these seals on all legal documents. It will be 12:05.

There will, invariably, only be one person who can offer any assistance and invariably this person’s name will be Ahmed. He will always be on holiday. I repeat: he will always be on holiday. No one will know when he left, and no one will know when he’ll be back (but perhaps you’d like to take a seat?) In particular, if your request is urgent, requires immediate attention, involves a lapsed visa or a potential fine, Ahmed will be on a really long holiday.